Despair
Last night I had a long cry. It was because I felt despairing about how society treats and views women, and about our chance of changing it. One of my friends had just told me that she didn't really believe in equality - that she thought men and women weren't equal. She thinks that a company would be quite within its rights not to promote a woman on the assumption that she might want children at some point in the future. And, moreover, that the company should have knowledge of a woman's personal life in order to make such decisions. Having spent the last two years, as I have only recently realised, being shoehorned into a role at work that is considered 'woman's work' (i.e. filing all the boys' work and typing up the boss's letters) I find this attitude depressing beyond belief. Why does this idea have any following at all in my generation, especially among women? I feel as though I am always going to be penalised for being a woman: through spending more money on clothes, shoes, haircare, make-up, bras - not because I am very appearance conscious, but simply to get on in my career; through being overlooked when men are in the vicinity in the workplace; through feeling a hypocrite every time I don a pair of high heels/shave my body hair, but not being able to avoid feeling less attractive unless I do; through having to see objectified images of women everywhere which are making me subconsciously ashamed of my body, terrified that my partner will want someone else or go off me because of my body, and feel mistrust towards other women when I should not; through feeling scared walking home alone. We women in the Western world are the lucky ones in many ways: we have rights and freedoms still denied to so many. And yet we are still so oppressed, and many people don't even realise it! That we have so far to go, but are always being told "Count yourself lucky you didn't live 100 years ago" makes me despondent. I want action and results. What can we do? Does anyone else get these moments of feeling overwhelmed by the obstacles ahead?
posted by Growlergirl @ 2:38 pm
7 Comments:
Hey, love your blog!
In response to this, it's not so much to do with being overwhelmed but it is always on my mind. The choice to shave/wear makeup etc, travel alone at night and the way you interact with senior male colleagues at work are loaded- for me anyway- with the unequal relationships between men and women. What's difficult is knowing that you have the freedom not to shave, to get a taxi alone etc., but still feeling insecure/anxious of other (men's) perceptions and for your safety.
All this gives me a fair few headaches for sure!
Hi Michelle! Thanks for your comment - your blog was one of those that inspired me to start my own. Your first blog entry says exactly what I felt when I began reading feminist blogs. I am only just starting on reading feminist literature but it is already opening my mind to the enormity of the patriarchy!
I completely agree that knowing you do, technically, have the freedom not to shave etc. makes it hard because you end up feeling as though you're betraying your own principles/pandering to society. My head is quite often in a spin about it all!
Hugs for you, Sarah, I know exactly how you feel, and I have often cried in despair at the overwhelmingness of it all. But, after a year of feminist thinking and action and reading, I feel a hell of a lot better. I can't exactly pinpoint what it is that has made me feel better, but I really do. It takes a lot of work, but I feel like I can be much much freer than I was before. I haven't shaved my legs or worn make-up in weeks and weeks now, and feel happy when I look in the mirror, I am no longer paranoid and jealous about my boyfriend interacting with other women, and I know that I am not alone in seeing the patriarchy everywhere.
So don't despair, it gets easier, I promise! :-)
Sarah,
I found your blog while reading another one which linked to yours. After glancing through this piece of yours, I do have a comment about what your sister said.
Companies ARE within their right to determine promotions on the basis of future pregnancy, marriage, etc. Even if the woman in question is a star performer, the company is within its right to promote a man. The clincher for me is this: what GOOD is a star performer to the team if said performer is not THERE to perform, hmmm? You gals never, ever, ever seem to answer pointed questions such as this.
Furthermore, how the HELL can you be overwhelmed by anything?! Western women are the most spoiled, coddled, privledged creatures on Earth! You all have the government backing you in everything. You all get preference in college/uni admissions. You get the nod when it comes to promotions; if you doubt that, simply look at any office, and almost ALL the positions of power will be held by females. Over in the UK, you poor, oppressed females get to retire @ 60, while my male counterparts in the UK have to work until age 65. Guess who comprises almost all worplace deaths? Yeah, it's us men; here in the USA, 95% of all workplace deaths are men. If you check out any of the dangerous jobs (e.g. taxi driver, commercial fisherman, lumberjacks, et al), you'll find that they're 90%-100% male; the few females working in these jobs have the safe jobs in the offices of companies in these lines of work/business. Finally, I don't know if you fine folks in the UK get the Discovery Channel over there. One of their shows is "Dirty Jobs", where they follow employees working dirty, disgusting jobs. Guess what, Darlin'? I've never, ever, ever seen a woman working these jobs!
So, what am I trying to say then? Quit your bitchin' and moaning! I and my brothers are SICK & TIRED OF IT!!! We're sick & tired of hearing you complain about how 'tough' you all have it as women. You say you're oppressed or overwhelmed? Well, if what you gals have is oppression, then give me some! I'll trade places with you any day. Oh, what's that? You don't want to? Why not? Because you women have it made in the shade, and you know it. Unfortunately for you, us men know it too. The jig is UP...
MarkyMark
Hey Sarah,
I forgot to add THIS to my previous, original comment (not that you'll add it, as it's critical of you-can't have the Princess criticized, now can we?).
You want respect? You want more responsibility? You want more challenging assignments & duties? Here's a NOVEL concept for you: EARN THEM, Darlin'! Yeah, you heard that right; earn them. Do what we men have always had to do: earn what we want; prove that we are indeed worthy.
Respect is never, ever given amongst men; it must be earned. How do you do this? You work hard. You work smart. You do a better job than the other guy. Just because you have a vagina doesn't automatically entitle you to whatever you want; just because you have a vagina doesn't mean you get to jump right to the head of the line working on all the glamorous, high profile stories. If you want something, e.g. the better assignments, then you have to get them. As men, we've always known & understood this. How is it you gals have no clue about this? And you all have the nerve to say you're oppressed?! Gag a maggot!!!
Here's an interesting link to an article about women working in NASCAR. NACAR is the top motorsport in the USA. After reading the article, do you notice a common theme? Yeah, it's about working hard, working smart, starting at the bottom, and being the best. It's all about EARNING RESPECT-at least a few women know this truism... http://www.hattiesburgamerican.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070305/SPORTS/703050308
I'm out of here. If I don't sign off now, I'll say something mean-for real. Seriously, I and my brothers are SICK & TIRED of women's complaints; we're sick & tired of being blamed for YOUR problems; we're sick & tired of being FOURTH CLASS citizens-after women, their children, and their pets; we're sick & tired of being enemies in our own countries-countries we not only helped build, but defended with our lives, all for YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCHES; we're sick & tired of being sick & tired. You and your sisters have NO IDEA of the tsunami of male anger, indignation, wrath, and hatred that's getting ready to smash women, and smash them hard. You really, truly don't.
Like the tsunami that struck Sri Lanka two or three years ago, there are signs of impending doom. Do you gals have an easy time of getting men to commit to you for relationships & marriage? I'm inclined to doubt it, given the headline articles I see on the covers of women's magazines; every time I turn around, there's yet another article about getting a man to commit, etc. Just as the ocean went out, exposing the bottom before the tsunami hit, men have gone away. Like the ocean's absence, our absence should tell you that doom is just around the corner. There were a few tourists there who knew something was wrong, and they got to higher ground and out of harm's way. But then again, you gals are too busy enjoying your ill-gotten gains, your power, and trampling on us men to notice. When men rise up and smash women hard, there will be all sorts of wailing & knashing of teeth.
"Where did this come from? Why did this happen?! Why are you men hurting us," you'll cry out. Darlin' the signs were all there for you to see. We can't help that you blithely ignored them.
How bad is men's resentment towards women? Let me put it to you this way: if the HMS Titanic were to sink today, I and many of my brothers would NOT surrender our seats in the lifeboats! You wanted equality? You got it. You say you can do anything a man can do, and do it better? Fine, you can die like we always have (oftentimes on YOUR behalf, girls!), and you can die better than we can. How do you like that 28 degree water, ladies? It's 'nice and warm', isn't it? Didn't your mother ever tell you to be careful what you wish for, because you just might GET it?! I guess you didn't. This insane, matriarchal society cannot and will not survive; sooner or later, there will be an economic and/or social collapse unlike anything we have seen, save the Great Depression. When it happens, there will be violence in the street; women will be raped, pillaged, and plundered. After all your BULLSHIT over the last few decades, don't ask us men to protect you, either; we, as men, have lost our compassion for women, and we've lost our desire to protect you from harm. It's not like we get thanks for what we do for you; all we get is MORE bitching & moaning! We men are sick of it. So, when things go bad, guess what we men are going to do? We're just going to sit back, watch you fine 'ladies' (I use that term VERY loosely, given the abomination that is modern woman) get your just deserts, and enjoy the show. I hope you gals had fun dumping on us while it lasted; the jig is almost up. Oh, and before you accuse me of hating women, rest assured that I don't. I will go on record for being angry with you, and that I'm extremely disappointed in the so-called 'fairer' sex. The gender war breaks my heart, but, at this point, I'm almost beyond caring anymore. Thank you, and good night.
MarkyMark
MarkyMark, I assure you I would be glad to give you the oppression you claim to want and sneer at so … (shall I be charitable and say 'eloquently'? No, language can only stretch so far) … churlishly. It may give you some perspective. And while I would not like to exchange places with you and become an aggressively narrow-minded misogynist, I would very much like to know what it's like to be so cosy in my little matriarchal world that I can't even conceive of the prejudice others deal with on a day-to-day basis.
Also, a couple of corrections: 1) Western men are the most spoiled, coddled, privileged (no 'd', my friend) creatures on Earth, which is why so many of them simply can't see anything wrong with the status quo. 2) As a woman working in the UK, I will retire at 65, like my male counterparts. 3) Even in the publishing industry, with a high proportion of female employess, more men have the positions of power.
Thanks for stopping by.
OK, I published your second comment, MM, just to show the kind of attitudes we're fighting against.
The fact that you want to 'smash women hard' is not actually new to feminists. We know all about your 'tsunami of anger'. And it may be news to you that women are being raped, across the world, every day. We don't want your protection; we want the right to be unmolested by you. We've got an 'anger avalanche' of our own!
Western women's positions in society are not 'ill-gotten gains' - women worked and suffered for them, more than men ever had to.
I won't be publishing any more of your comments, but rest assured that this 'princess' (??!) is not afraid of criticism, particularly when it's so poorly presented. And, for the record, I am not your darlin', or a 'gal'. So, little laddie, you go back to comparing yourself to the ocean. One day you may even find a spark of poetry within your charmless little soul.
In the meantime, stop your whining and moaning, darlin'. My sisters and I are sick and tired of it.
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